Premature Ejaculation is Not a Disease!

Man watching sunset, Lorraine Pentello, Somatic Sex Therapy, Melbourne
Photo by Yunus Tuğ

Yes, you read that right! If you don’t believe me, then you can read this 2015 study! What’s more, it also doesn’t require any medication to treat it!

So then, what is it? In my practice I’ve found that it boils down to three things. Stress/anxiety, masturbation habits, and inexperience. For different people it can be down to just one or various combinations of all three!

Getting to the root of the cause and also learning a few healthy sexual habits can help to slow down the ejaculation process without any medical intervention. I’ve witnessed 100’s of success stories by using this approach.

So let’s explore what might be happening for you and your ejaculation…

Stress and Anxiety

Our bodies don’t distinguish between different types of stress, just the intensity of it. So sexual performance anxiety may affect your nervous system in the same way as being stalked by a hungry tiger.

If you’re feeling stressed, especially if you’re anxious too, your body will be on alert. Primed to shift into survival mode.

When anxiety spirals into survival mode the body can lose control of the muscles that hold stuff in. Instantaneous weeing, pooing and vomiting are extreme versions of this process and will happen when the body goes into shock. You’ve probably heard the phrase, ‘so frightened I’m shitting myself!’

Premature ejaculation is just a milder version of this process.

It's important to know that any kind of stress can cause this, not just performance anxiety. Worry about work or family issues can affect ejaculation as well as emotional trauma, especially if it’s from things such as incest, rape or abuse.

With cases of extreme trauma it might not affect us for many years after the event, and then suddenly be triggered when something reminds us of that trauma. It might not even be something that is obviously relatable in the cognitive sense. A divorce perhaps might trigger feelings of despair and loneliness that remind us of childhood abuse and suddenly there is a spiral connected to that memory which leads to ejaculation issues.

Habit

The more often we do something, our brains will rewire themselves to streamline their ability to do it. The cells in our brains, called neurons, will line up into pathways to pass electrical impulses a lot more efficiently. This is often what people refer to as their ‘muscle memory’.

So, if you’ve been masturbating really fast and ejaculating quickly (especially with porn) then when you’re having sex you’ll ejaculate quickly too. This process doesn't necessarily distinguish between whether we are alone or with others, it just lumps everything to do with ejaculation together.

How Porn Plays a Part

Watching porn can be fun and entertaining, which is why in this instance it can actually make things worse. This is because novel and highly excitable activities can help the brain to build strong neural connections even more quickly!

So ejaculating quickly while masturbating to porn, can further entrench premature ejaculation!

Conclusion

If you’re experiencing premature ejaculation, I know it might not feel like it, but your body is functioning as it should. If you can get an erection and you can ejaculate, then there isn’t anything physiologically wrong with you. It is important to understand this point because worrying that you have a disease might be creating stress that is adding to the problem.

The short of it is that premature ejaculation is not a disease and there’s a study that backs this up.

There are many ways to go about fixing this problem, but what they mostly boil down to is finding ways to calm your stress response and changing your habits around porn and masturbation.

In my next article I’ll go into more detail about how to do this.

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