Things to be Wary of When You are Experiencing Premature Ejaculation

Man covering his eyes while signaling no, Lorraine Pentello, Somatic Sex Therapy, Melbourne
Photo by Karolina Grabowska

Premature ejaculation can be stressful enough without having to wade through the confusing, contradicting and often misleading information that you’ll find in your average google search.

Some of the things you’ll find may be helpful (I’ve written an article about those here). Others may not do anything at all and some could even make it worse!

To help you figure out what’s what, I’ve compiled a list of things to avoid and the reasons why.

NoFap

‘NoFap’, for the uninitiated, is a movement that purports to support men who are addicted to porn by encouraging them to quit porn and masturbation completely.

I find the religious and puritanical overtones of this movement quite worrying. In my opinion it is harmful and can lead to intrenching shame and negative self-image as well as not actually helping with premature ejaculation, or even making it worse.

If you stop masturbation entirely, imagine how wound up you are going to be by the time you actually have sex with your partner! It’s likely to make you ejaculate even faster!

While quitting porn consumption temporarily can be beneficial, stopping masturbation altogether is likely to fail and just make you feel frustrated and grumpy. The key isn’t to stop masturbating, it is to change how you do it.

I’m not a fan of NoFap. Unless of course someone genuinely doesn’t want to masturbate then that’s just fine, each to their own. But if you’re having to stop yourself from doing it, then I think this method is actually a form of sexual anorexia with plenty of shame and puritanical control thrown in too.

Numbing Cream

Some people find that using specifically designed creams on their penis helps to slow down their ejaculation, but this is a band-aid solution and isn’t going to help in the long term.

Partners can feel a lot of discomfort when this cream leaks into vaginas, anuses and mouths. Word of warning, don’t secretly use this cream with lovers as this is a major violation of their bodily autonomy and in extreme cases can even lead to injuries.

Numbing your sensations is actually the opposite of what you want to be doing in this situation. The aim is to learn how to feel more sensations, not less. Feeling more allows for more control over when and how ejaculation happens.

In my practice once clients have learned to overcome premature ejaculation they often tell me that they feel more pleasure and have much better orgasms than they did before.

Semen Retention Techniques

I’m a firm believer in developing the pelvic floor muscles through specific exercises to control ejaculation. This is how Tantra practitioners manage to not ejaculate when they orgasm.

Holding semen in for short periods of time now and again can be wonderful. It can lead to deeper ‘dry’ orgasms and more energy, but holding it in for longer periods of time, especially for younger men, can be dangerous.

Often in most cases, you’ll just ejaculate in your sleep anyway, so you’re not actually retaining it, but if nocturnal emissions aren’t happening it can lead to pelvic problems and complications.

There can also be lashings of shame dealt out with these teachings too. Leading people to believe that ejaculation is bad or dangerous. Don’t believe this, it's a load of rubbish. Humans are supposed to ejaculate. It’s healthy and glorious! Enjoy your semen!

Taoist Million Dollar Point

This is an ancient technique which involves firmly pressing on a point on your perineum (the place between your testicles and anus, sometimes referred to as the taint or gooch) just before ejaculation.

Through experience I’ve also noticed that this technique can also be done on the underside at the base of the penis for people whose urethra (the tube you pee and ejaculate from) is more pronounced towards the surface of the skin.

There is also a technique which is very similar called ‘pinching’’. It works in much the same way, but the squeezing is done just below the glans (head of the penis).

This can be a good tool for some people to learn how it feels to have a dry orgasm, but this technique is a band-aid not a solution. Be careful when using it as there are many delicate arteries and nerves in the perineum. If this area is subjected to firm and regular pressure from untrained hands, these delicate structures can become damaged. This is something you really want to avoid as it can lead to erection issues, pain or numbness in the penis.

Medication

A side effect of some antidepressants (SSRI’s) is delayed orgasm. For this reason, they can be prescribed to treat premature ejaculation. The feedback I’ve had from clients around this medication is that it helps a bit, but in my opinion it’s just masking the problem.

I’ve heard many stories about the unethical practices some medical companies take when prescribing them. Such as intimidating and shaming patients into paying thousands of dollars upfront for a yearly subscription. You don’t need to do this. If you want the meds, go and see your regular GP.

Conclusion

Premature Ejaculation isn’t a medical problem and doesn’t need drugs to treat it, and anyone saying otherwise is trying to scam you.

It is caused by stress and/or habits which you can overcome by learning stress control techniques and changing your masturbation practices.

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